Last month I told my primary physician that I was interested in testosterone therapy and she referred me to a young, Chinese-American man named Dr. Tuan. She said that he was very good and could both test me and provide me with testosterone shots.
I had an appointment with him yesterday morning but when I got there, I was told that my appointment was actually for the 3rd of August, not the 8th. D'oh! I must've gotten my dates mixed up, which rarely ever happens, but apparently it did this time. I rescheduled to see Dr. Tuan and went in this morning to see him.
When I got there, Dr Tuan asked why I'd come in to see him. I told him that I have Gender Identity Disorder and was interested in testosterone therapy. He was very nice about it, but he declined to treat me, stating that he had no experience with transgender testosterone therapy. I thought that was strange because my primary physician referred me to him specifically for testosterone therapy and had told me that he did have experience treating transgender patients. Perhaps she was mistaken, but I can't help but wonder if he just didn't want to treat me because of the nature of my therapy request.
He referred me to Dr. Renata Smilo and I have an appointment with her tomorrow morning. He stated that she specialized in transgender related testosterone therapy and has been treating patients for more than 40 years. When I got home and told Sarah about my day, she got excited and told me that her former TG girlfriend, August, was a patient of Dr. Smilo's and that she was a very good Dr. I'm glad to know someone who is familiar with Dr. Smilo and I hope that she'll put me on testosterone treatment sooner rather than later.
In the mean time, I'm feeling depressed and frustrated about not being able to start testosterone yet. I know I have an appointment tomorrow but it's not to get a testosterone shot, it's so I can get my thyroid tested to see if I'm an eligible candidate for testosterone therapy. I've been trying to get started on T for a month now and I still have to wait. Frustrating.
I know that testosterone changes don't happen over-night. It can take months before you get any noticeable changes. I guess that's why I'm so anxious to get started. I know that even after I start getting shots, I'll still have to wait.
I'm just so unhappy and uncomfortable in my own body. I hate my breasts so much. They're so big and impossible to hide. I'm in a weird in-between place where I'm not yet a man and not a woman. I feel like an "it". People stare at me when I'm out in public and sometimes it makes me very uncomfortable to have so much attention on me from strangers.
I hope Dr. Smilo understands and starts me on testosterone therapy soon. I can't help but think that I'll feel so much better once I do.
No comments:
Post a Comment